Sunday, January 09, 2005

Have you been recently oiled?

Because we live in Nebraska and there's nothing fucking to do here AT ALL, Mr E and I spend a lot of time fighting about what in the hell we're going to do on our Saturday nights. This weekend he asked me if wanted to go see The Life Aquatic, which I don't, because I have a fish phobia, so I said "Actually, I was thinking we could rent Hellboy and Troy and get really drunk." Which we did, and it was AWESOME. We bought a bottle of Jim Beam and the last copy of Troy left at the video store. Here are the official rules to "TROY, the drinking game". I would also like to add that seconds after Troy was over, I drunkenly stated that I thought that I hoped Brad and Jen would make it but I had a bad feeling about things, and when I checked Defamer the next morning it turned out that THEY HAD BROKEN UP FOREVER. To which I say "OH MY GOD, I HAVE CELEBRITY RELATIONSHIP ESP". I will try to use my powers for good rather than evil. By which I mean I really wish I could use this talent to get really rich, but like all my talents, I suspect it is financially useless.

Rules of the game for getting drunk and watching TROY:

1. Drink every time your friend/husband/cat asks "Which one of them is TROY?"
1a. Drink everytime someone says "That's ALOT of ships. Hee hee. "
2. Drink every time someone has their shirt off. Drink twice if it's Brad.
3. Drink every time anyone speaks with a vague unplaceable accent.
4. Drink every time anyone freaks out over the horrors of war.
5. Drink every time any one whines on and on about the loss of a loved one.
6. Drink whenever Priam looks disheleved or cries.
7. Drink whenever anyone slanders the gods and gets called out for it.
8. Drink whenever that faux Titanic woman chanting background music kicks in.
9. Drink ALOT whenever Brad does it.
1o. Drink during any gratuitous butt, leg, or crotch shots. Argue heatedly with spouse over "leg double" rumors.
11. Drink during any impossible physical feats.
12. Drink whenever the cat farts.
13. Drink when any of the Greeks appear to have been recently oiled. (WARNING, this rule is DEADLY.)
14. Drink when someone is chained. Only this rule sucks, as people were only really ever tied up, and we decided that maybe they didn't have chains back then.
15. Drink whenever swords clash. Drink two if it's symbolic. Don't ask me what that means, I think it's a guy thing, this is Mr. E's rule.

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