Tuesday, May 24, 2005

To Sheila

I just watched Rob and Amber's wedding on CBS. The reception was ok, but the ceremony was laaame and the first dance was trumpets and synthesizers for god's sake. Mr. E commented that if either of us was the type of person who would have a trumpet or a synthesizer played at our wedding, we wouldn't be married to each other. So true, so true. Our first dance was one of my favorite moments of our wedding. I'd hyped it up as this big huge moment in my mind. I was looking forward to this as the most romantic event of my life. Other little girls dream about their wedding, I dreamt only of our first dance. I agonized over what song we'd use for MONTHS. Even after we finally picked this Smashing Pumpkins song that we thought was called "You Make Me Real" I still stressed. Honestly, it would have been a boring letdown, except for the fact that apparently the song we chose is not, in fact, entitled 'You Make Me Real". As Mr. E told me, right in the middle of our first dance, it's actually called 'To Sheila." Awesome.

Thursday, May 19, 2005

Oatey Update

How come it took me 28 years to figure out I don't need to buy packets of gross, bad for me instant oatmeal,but instead can bring a baggie of regular oatmeal to work and microwave it in a bowl with water for 3 minutes? It's cheaper, better for you, and better tasting. And I can add stuff of own.

In other news, will I ever get my period? It remains to be seen.

What's up with you?

I hate grant writing season.

I did just buy a very cute striped! shirt on sale at J Crew.

I have decided the entire problem with getting dressed in the morning and my wardrobe is that none of it matches. If I had any sense, I would never buy anything that wasn't white, blue, black, or gray, and then it would all match. I really just need someone to come look at my closet and tell me, ok, you can wear this with that. T shirt and khakis, I could handle that. Now that I am expected to dress like a grown up at work, I am floundering. But the stripes, I cannot resist.

On a positive note, I just felt an arm muscle. It vanished shortly after appearing, but it was there! I swear it was!

Wednesday, May 11, 2005


I just heard a rumor that the former Ms. Teen Nebraska is coming to work in my office.
Needless to say, I am very excited. I've never met a Ms. Teen from anywhere before. Somehow this is just the kind of thing that happens in Nebraska. There are eight cows for every person. There's not a lot of people, and there are a lot of cows. This is the kind of town where we take our dog for a walk and people ask if she's one of the dogs from the humane society (the answer is yes). On the other hand from what I hear half the kids in the state could make meth in a bucket at recess. In a way it's like the town from the Music Man and in other ways, well, it's not. However until a traveling salesman comes to town and tries to sign me up for a boys band, the former Ms. Teen Nebraska is the most excitement I've seen in quite some time.

Another Favorite

When I am with you,
we stay up all night.
When you're not here,
I can't go to sleep.
Praise God for these two insomnias!
And the difference between them.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you,
not knowinghow blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.
We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
We are tasting the taste this minute of eternity.
We are pain and what cures pain, both.
We arethe sweet cold water
and the jar that pours.
I want to hold you close like a lute,
so we can cry out with loving.

You would rather throw stones at a mirror?
I am your mirror,
and here are the stones.

--The Essential Rumi, translated by Coleman Barks

Monday, May 09, 2005

Confidential to Mr. Fidget in my office:

You are annoying.
Cut it out.

Sunday, May 08, 2005

All By Myself

Mr. E is out of town, which means I am having some quality alone time. I am all about quality alone time, btw. I can do all kinds of crazy organzing projects, iron stuff that no self respecting man thinks you should iron, talk on the phone for hours, eat Ragu and fake parmesan cheese on EVERYTHING, and when I clean something, it stays clean. Although now that Princess Midnite has come along, that last one might not hold true.

So far I've organized my craft shelves, made muffins, made an awesome chicken salad, mowed the rest of the lawn, taken out the trash, swept the floors, tanned, and not taken a shower for days. Awesome.

In closing, I would like to add that The Sun Never Sets on a Legend. That's code for yes, I will be watching that crappy CBS movie on Elvis while shoveling pasta in my mouth.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Sea Quote

"I really don't know why it is that all of us are so committed to the sea, except I think it's because in addition to the fact that the sea changes, and the light changes, and ships change, it's because we all came from the sea. And it is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, our sweat, and in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch it, we are going back from whence we came."

President John F. Kennedy, Australian Ambassador's Dinner for the America's Cup Crews, September 14, 1962, Newport, R.I.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Say it now, while you have the chance

A while ago, I heard an episode of This American Life where the theme was things you wish you had said in the moment. One of the speakers talked about how he wished he had told his mom how amazing she was and how much he loved her before she died. It really hit home with me, and since then I've been composing a letter to my mom in my head, just so she really really knows what she means to me. It took me forever to get around to putting my thoughts on paper, but I finally did, just in time for mother's day, and I mailed this instead of a card.

Dear Mom,
This year we may have missed the first gold by a bit. I guess that’s the point, right? That it’s fleeting. But you sent me the email anyway, and it’s lucky you did. I don’t think I would know that spring is here without it. In those last few weeks of February, I am waiting for it, hoping that it’s just around the corner. When you called me up to tell that we may have missed it, you said something like "someday I’ll be dead and maybe you’ll see the first gold and think of me". And what I wanted to tell you is that while I hope that day does not arrive for a long long time, I want you to know that even right now, you are a part of me in a way that means that I think about you every day, all the time, in many moments and maybe more often than you know.

Sometimes, when I should be thinking lofty work thoughts in meetings, I look down at my hands, and see your hands, and think "I got these hands from my mother". When someone asks me how to spell something, I always know how, and I know that I got that from you. When I hear that one of my friends is in therapy because she has no self confidence and doesn’t know how to get any, I think about how I am a strong self confident woman because I had a strong self confident mother who knew no other way to raise me, and I am so proud and so grateful for that. Not everyone gets that from their moms. Not everyone gets as lucky as I did.

When I am sick or tired and I wish I had someone to push my hair back behind my ear and sing me Irish lullabies, I am wishing for the you I remember from when I was a little girl. When I have my own children, I will do the same thing for them, and I will think of you. When I tell someone I love them, it is because you taught me how. Whenever I start something for the first time, I hear your voice in the back of my head saying "Give em hell". When I laugh at something no one else thinks is funny, sometimes for days, every time I remember it, I think "this, this I got from my mother". When I need courage, I think of you, and stick my chin out a little farther and do what has to be done. Whenever I meet a new person, and my natural shyness takes over, I stick out my hand anyway, because you taught me I had no other choice. When I run, I think of running with you around the dirt track of our tennis club and I hear your voice telling me to lengthen my strides when I run downhill. For the rest of my life, whenever I smell Chanel Number Five, just for a second, I’ll remember being seven years old and running into your arms at the end of a long day of school.

There are thousands upon thousands of moments like this in my life. Every day moments where I smile or laugh or draw courage or feel a little bit sad, and they are all moments when I am reminded of you. I want you to know now, so that you know it forever, that you have been the person in my life who I have most wanted to be like, who I hold up as my example in all things, who loved me best and first. You are the most amazing woman I know. I will always think of you; it would be impossible for me not to. We have been through my whole life together. There have been times when things seemed hopeless, but you never gave up, and I was never surprised. I knew you’d always be there for me, and that nothing was going to get the better of my mom. You are my role model, my motivation, and my most loyal ally. There could never be a time when I do not think of you, when I do not love you, when I do not think "how lucky am I, to have had such a woman in my life".

Happy Mother’s Day

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Elizabeth's Rules for Life, or Really Obvious Things I Learned the Hard Way

1. Don't wear flowered pants. Unless you WANT your ass to look like it's the size of France.
2. Never ask anyone when they're due.
3. Everyone loves presents. If your boyfriend is having problems committing and he needs a nudge in the right direction, it helps to buy him a guitar.
4. Reading makes you smarter, and a better speller.
5. If the swimsuit you have your eye on goes on sale at J Crew you better buy it right freaking then.
6. If you ever get a puppy, make sure you also have a house with wood floors.
7. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
8. Look at the way a man treats his mothers and his sisters if you want to know how he'll treat you.
9. You don't need to eat as much as you think you do.
10. Those red napkins from Crate and Barrel bleed in the wash. Mr. E, I didn't tell you this at the time, but I think that's totally what happened to your Nebraska sweatshirt.
11. If you give your husband little boxes to check off, he will totally do jobs around the house.
12. There's a lot of calories in most shit from Starbucks. A LOT.
13. Always write thank you notes.
14. No job is worth being miserable. GET OUT!
15. Diet dessert = crap
16. If your husband ever gets caught scratching his ass on the balcony of his hotel while smoking and talking on the phone, you should at least dock his allowance.
17. If you are a man and you wear a white shirt with a navy blue jacket and a navy blue tie you will look like a baptist preacher or an old old oldster.
18. Target has super cute jackets this spring, but their swimsuits = crap.
19. Denim should NEVER be worn with denim.
20. Never assume a plot when stupidity will explain the result. (I stole this one, and it's actually Orr's Rule #2, and most people don't really like it when you drop this into the middle of their conversation about why such and such bitch did such and such thing, so it has to be used sparingly. I love it, however. So simple, so clean, so true.)
21. Ashton Kutcher isn't as annoying in the movies as he is in "real life"
22. Take the stairs
23. I know it's bad for me, but I'll always think sunburns on girls are sexy.
24. Current Events. Pay attention to them. You're not the only thing going on in the world.
25. Change the sheets. You're not in college anymore and it's gross not to.
26. Sometimes you've just gotta crank up the music and dance, especially when your cat's favorite song (Whenever, Wherever - Shakira) comes on.
27. Nothing makes you feel sexier than sexy shoes and a good bra.
28. Eat more fruit.
29. Being a picky eater is boring.
30. The best kind of love is the kind you can't explain.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Holla back at the Dannon Light 'N' Fit with Fiber

Well, I guess it really holla'd back at me. I just did the biggest craziest stinkiest poo ever. Have you ever seen the movie Anaconda? Yeah, it was like that. I feel like a new woman. This morning Mr. E made the same claim shortly after spending some quality time getting his poo on, and I felt bitter. But now I'm right there with him. Awesome.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005


Mr E and I just returned from a lovely adventure in the great state of Michigan.
Some of my favorite moments:

-getting a pedicure with my sister in law and not even caring that my toes looked better before, rather than after, the pedicure, just because the foot massage was that incredibly good

-sitting in the jacuzzi at my mother in law hotels for hours with a mike's lemonade in my hand gossiping with the four amazing women whos' family I am lucky enough to be a part of

-not getting hungover drunk on sangria at dominick's for the first time in my life (I switched off beer and water)

-not gaining any weight, woo hoo!

-blasting the Go Go's with the windows open driving down State Street on the way back from U of M's graduation

-having Mr. E's aunts tell me how great I looked

-dyeing my hair pink accidentally

-Miss Sarah "processing in" to graduation and noting that she had clearly been raised right, as she was 1. one of the only people NOT on a cell phone and 2. she was wearing sweat pant capris under her graduation gown. Anytime you can rock the sweatpant capris you should. Particularly when you find yourself graduating outside at 8:30 in the morning.

-ordering tapas by writing down everything we wanted on the paper tablecloth and thinking of my step dad the whole time

-Fitting into and wearing my new size eight J crew dress

-Realizing that no mattter what happened, AA wasn't our home anymore, and that was ok

-Mr. E yelling "Eat Me" at a spandex clad biker

-being told that my sister and brother in law stocked up on gin because they knew I was coming to town. Drinking said gin by the lake, from a mason jar

-Touching the ceiling of the hallway of the hotel over and over, just because I could. It was so low ceilinged that I felt like an extra in Being John Malkovitch

-Making fun of the speakers at the U of M graduation while freezing my ass off and eating chocolate chip cookies

-The Victoria's Secret underwear lying in the path to graduation that every parent had to step over

-The free airline tickets and sushi Northwest Airlines gave us for overselling our flight

-Business Class

-The super cute new jacket Mr E helped me pick out at Target that never would have fit before

-Sitting in a hotel room with 40 of Mr. E's family members furiously gossiping about his cousin's new girl friend.

-Seeing old friends and talking about old times