Thursday, January 25, 2007

Complete Nightmare

Can I just stop here for a minute and say?

I am having some issues.

First of all, we just had our roof replaced. It was annoying, but whatever, it was before the baby arrived and I didn't expect it to be silent. It was all arranged by our landlords and while I am happy that I'm not paying for someone to put a roof on the house and all that, some communication more than what's gone on would have been nice. The roofers just show up, do their (very noise) thing for awhile, and then disappear. I thought they were finished on Monday because the roof look finished, although they left a giant leaf blower in the middle of our sidewalk. We put it in our garage so it wouldn't get stolen, told our landlord to let them know they had left it here and they could come get it, and never heard from them again, until lo and behold, someone is RIGHT NOW walking around on my roof, when I thought it was finished. Seeing as how no one has been here for days and the roof appears to be finished, that was a natural assumption, I think. Maybe for the rest of my life they'll just show up wherever I am and walk around on my roof for fifteen minutes. Preferably right when I'm about to take a nap. They still haven't asked for their fucking leaf blower. For all I know I'm the proud new owner of one, despite my total moral objections.

Meanwhile it turns out I have ringworm. Which is almost as disgusting as it sounds. I didn't know what it was at first and then Mr. E informed me "oh, that's ringworm" which really pissed me off, because of course I didn't have ringworm. I would never have something so disgusting. Last time I was at the doctor I asked her what it was and she promptly informed me that it was ringworm (of course!!!) and to treat it with Selsun Blue. It's not actually worms, thank god, or I really would have had to cut off my leg due to the extreme grossness of that whole scenario, my doctor didn't in fact know what it was and so Mr. E had to inform her that it's a fungus. How annoying is that? The doctor did say that I got it from one my disgusting pets and to treat it with Selsun Blue and it's totally not going away, so today I did what all people with weird skin ailments should always do first and I googled "treatment of ringworm" and it turns out I haven't taken it anywhere near seriously enough and so now it's a total nightmare. I have to find out which of my disgusting animals has it (I'm thinking the dog) and then wash everything the stupid dog and my stupid leg have touched and I have to treat it twice a day with antifungal cream and wash my hands a billion times before and after touching it and I can't scratch it and did I mention that my electricity bill was $315 dollars last month? So I am obviously thrilled about having to do seventy thousand loads of laundry and I can't wait to give birth with a giant patch of ringworm on my leg and also to bring a baby home into a teeming cesspool of disgusting dirty animals and their various spreading funguses. Fungi. Whatever. It's a total nightmare.

I feel the need for a Frappucino coming over me. Even though last time I drank one of those it immediately made me so cold it was as though my nipples had been lit on fire and I had to put on two down vests and run around the house screaming.

Meanwhile the only positions I can sleep in (on my side) cause my hands to fall asleep and turn numb. If this doesn't happen I wake up with heartburn or acid reflux so terrible it makes me wish I were dead. This morning I resorted to sitting upright on (ringworm infested) pillows staring at the wall wondering when my library books were due and if I would ever get to sleep again. When Mr. E came in to get dressed I gloomily announced "I feel like I'm falling apart. I have heartburn and ringworm and numb hands and my feet itch."

Meanwhile my pants are getting tighter and tighter, I can no longer wear my wedding band, a double chin has arrived out of nowhere, I just feel gross. Sigh. Will try to get in a better mood tomorrow. Thanks for listening to my deluded rantings.


LME said...

You poor thing! I would totally freak out if I got ringworm even though I know it doesn't come from a worm. Did you find out what to do to get rid of it?

I'll be it's that dog, too. Or does your cat go outside also?

I once went to a pet shelter and had played with this adorable black and white kitty and I had decided that I wanted to take it, and after we'd filled out the paperwork they came back and said, well, you'll have to wait a month to take him home. Why, I wanted to know, of course. Well, he has ringworm and the vet has to treat him. And was pissed that they wasted my time with an animal that I couldn't actually take home and more importantly, that they had let me handle it knowing it had ringworm. I went home and scoured myself with bleach.

crankybee said...

Erm...maybe it's because we are a bit more casual down here in Australia, but is ringworm really - REALLY - the end of the world? It doesn't sound very nice, but it's just a crappy thing that heaps of people get! Like headlice!

Sell the giant leaf blower on ebay and blow the cash on something cool.

This is your blog, you can write what you want, so maybe I should just piss off right now, hey?

TB said...

Ugh. Just what you need when you're already feeling oh so pretty in the last trimester. Gah!

Hang in there and remember it's all temporary. the chin and the weight will go away, the bloating will be gone and you'll be back to normal, albeit with bags under your eyes and stains on your shirt, before you know it :o)