Friday, September 14, 2007

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

So. I weighed myself this morning and I gained four pounds. IN A WEEK. Bah.

I'm probably projecting here. But people. I am so so so so so over the Detroit Half. So over it. I could not be more over it unless I actually just went ahead and broke up with it. "Hi, Detroit Half Marathon? You can take your nation's only underwater mile and your thirteen motown bands and your TWO trips into Canada and your ending on Ford Field and your Ambassador Bridge and cram them up your ass."

I know. I know. Sigh.

This is my third half marathon but it is my first as a mom, and holy crap, the massive time suckage involved cannot be overstated. And holy crap, is it hard to train when it's 80 degrees at 7 am. And due to a scheduling fudge up on my part I've run three eight mile long runs in a row and all three of them sucked hard. At no point during any of them did I did I think "wow, those nine miles I have to run next week should be totally super fun!" (Or possible, even).

And then afterwards between the breastfeeding and the long run I am so freaking hungry all day that nothing, but nothing, keeps me full for longer than an hour. I scarf down food all day. I'm hungry immediately after eating. I swear I get hungry for the next meal while I'm eating the first one. I can't deal with counting points. And come Friday I've gained four pounds.

Worst of all is that I am scared. Scared that I can't do this and that I will fail, and that's the ultimate terror because Mr. E's entire family lives in Detroit and those are the people who stress me out and intimidate me more than anyone else in the world and the idea that I could fail in front of them makes me want to enter the half marathon witness protection program.

Writing this all out here has kind of helped though. Admitting I am scared that I can't do this has helped. Admitting that I don't know if I can lose weight while running this much and that I might just have to suck it up and buy a pair of size ten jeans this weekend has helped. And maybe made me realize I can try a little bit harder. Even if I do feel like I could devour the world after I run, that world could be tuna and oranges and egg whites and tofu, it doesn't have to be forty three trader joes meringues.

However what helps the most is reminding myself that I only have five more weeks of this to go and only six more long runs including the half left and then I 'm totally breaking up with the Detroit Half Marathon for good. Although I am so keeping its t shirt.

4 comments:

My name is Rima. said...

The marathon witness protection program?

That's funny!

Yo, I totally hear you about being hungry for the next meal while you're eating the first, and I'm not even breastfeeding or training for a marathon.

TB said...

Any chance that's muscle weight you're gaining? It sounds like you're more than working off anything you're eating.
I admire you for all of this. I couldn't even run one mile.

Chris H said...

YOU are a nutter! Run for the love of it mate, and I totally agree, the t shirt will be worth it!!! I hope! Hope you don't keep gaining weight or you will not be able to run it at all...

Sarah said...

Remember we're in this together. This crazy-ass endeavor. I decided to do it because YOU inspired me to do it. And remember this, too: WE are going to be doing the race while everyone else is going to be standing around watching us. WE are putting our feet into our shoes and hitting the pavement. There's no way we can fail. The only way we'd fail is if we never even tried. Remember that!!!

And shit, I gained 3.4 pounds one week even with all the running. So it happens sometimes! I just figured it was because I was converting flab to muscle and muscle is more dense.