Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Cloning is Not the Answer

You might not know this but I have a reputation for pickiness when it comes to certain things. For example I mostly hate all movies, although at times I will randomly enjoy somewhat terribleish movies such as ATL, which, apropos of nothing, I had no idea that movie was was all about roller skating! Very unusual. Anyway, I've pretty much hated every new tv show that has come out this fall and it has also been quite a long time since I've picked up a new book and actually liked it, although that Les Miserables is quite a piece of work. Depressing, which I love, and that Victor Hugo writes the most enjoyable run on sentences, and we all know I'm a fan of those.

But mostly I've been pretty much hating everything else. And this is not my fault, in my opinion. Yeah, I have high standards, so sue me. Most of what is shoveled at us today is total dreck and we're just supposed to smile and be happy that Bloat Hanks is in another goddamned movie about NOTHING? No thanks. But the marginal qualities of all this "entertainment" really isn't my number one complaint here. I can deal with crappy, yes I can (see ATL reference earlier).

What I can't deal with is that somehow, every fucking thing I've read or watched in the last year with the slightest bit of mystery or twist to it? Every fucking time it turns out that the answer is that THEY'RE ALL CLONES!

Repeat after me: No more clones !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe this plot twist was interesting in 1982 when Logan's Run took over the Burbank Mall, but it's so so so so so over at this point. I wouldn't be surprised to find out next week that Ugly Betty is a clone and this weekend I started a new book I had picked up and was really excited to read and when Mr. E asked me how it was I told him that I had this weird feeling that all the cliffhangers and hedging going on in the book was leading to one thing and if it was more fucking cloning I was going to be really fucking pissed off. Uh, yeah, shockingly, everyone in the book is a clone! God!

People. The cloning is over. Or, hey. You know what? Make the movie about clones, sure, whatever. It's stupid and all that, but I'd like to see your average super hot Owen Wilson clone have an affair with a robot or get bit in the face by a snake on a plane as much as the next guy. But let's be very clear about this: You are no longer allowed to use cloning as the magic answer at the end of the two or more hours of vague and mysterious hoo ha you call a movie.



LME said...

Excellent rant.

I, personally, am sick of film that are unnecessary remakes of films that were perfectly fine the first time around (All The King's Men, I'm looking at you), and also of films that are based on excellent books but are the suck, which makes people who haven't read the book think that the book is the suck (All the King's Men, I'm looking at you again, and also you, Black Dahlia).

There is so much laziness!

ee said...

Personally, I find the use of cloning a lot like photocopying your nuts at the yearly office Christmas party. Sure, it's a cheap thrill, but in the end you just wind up burnt.