I was working on a long post all about how losing weight and being mini skinny and a diet nazi wasn't going to get me what I wanted, wasn't going to make me any happier, how I need to learn to love myself and to accept what I've been given and blah blah blah. And then I hurt my ankle and I gained three pounds in a week where I tried so hard not to eat too much that I sat at my desk and STARVED for hours every day and had to press on my stomach so that people didn't hear my stomach growl and now I just feel hopeless. Like it was all for nothing. Now I just feel like my only choice is to not eat and to be unhealthy and I feel panicky and so afraid. I know that somehow there has to be a choice in between anorexia and marathon running but I'm having a hard time seeing it right now.
In the meantime, I'm hungry and my ankle hurts and honestly, I just want to lie in bed and cry. I can't explain how I feel. It feels like failure.
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1 comment:
Just a little note from your cousin who does love you no matter what . . . first of all I hope you have pulled out of your Friday gloom and enjoyed the weekend. Second of all, I don't think you can necessarily do both (run a marathon and lose weight) especially if you are already a small size (which you are!). This may me too logical but running builds muscle and muscle weights more that fat. Maybe you sould go by measurements (waist circumference, etc.) rather than weight at this point?
Anyway, I hope you are feeling better. love you,
j
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