Monday, July 18, 2005

Bye bye Fat Girl

I am 11 pounds from my goal weight.
It has taken me forever to get here. And it has been incredibly hard work. It has been confusing and stressful and depressing and demeaning. I screamed and cried and raged, all about how it was too hard and no one could expect me to do this and it wasn't working.
But I sucked it up, and I worked harder. Harder than I ever thought I could. Harder than I thought I should have had to. I worked when I thought it wasn't fair, and I couldn't do it.

And it was all worth it.

Because somewhere back there in my past is a girl who couldn't run for a even minute, who felt embarrassed by the size of her ass and the number on a tag at Old Navy, a girl who felt overly full and sick after every meal she ate, who would try to change the subject every time someone talked about size or diets, who thought eating a whole box of reduced fat triscuits was healthy, who ate dinner every night in front of the tv and who didn't have time for exercise, a girl who though that the people at J Crew were just bitches who didn't make clothes in her size. And you know what?

I don't miss that girl.

I hope she never comes back.

Right now I'm running away from her as fast as I can.

Sometime soon I'm gonna have to stop running and get to know the new me, Not Fat Girl. We're gonna be together for a long time. I think I'm gonna like her better. I'm working on loving her, but we're not there yet.

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