So yesterday, I was wearing my most cute, very gorgeous pointy toed Nine West camel colored heels that I got in San Fran for 17 dollars. Seventeen dollars everyone! Crazy. And so I decided that it was high time that I asked my lovely and talented and VERY coordinated friend Anna to show me how to walk in my heels. Anna's a dancer and shit, besides being very super awesome, and she totally showed me that MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE I HAVE BEEN WALKING WRONG. Seriously people. Did you get that? MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE BEEN WALKING WRONG. And I am telling you, there have been people who have almost divorced me (Mr. E) because they think I walk to slow. But did they happen to mention that maybe it was because MY WHOLE LIFE I HAVE BEEN WALKING WRONG? Of course not! That would be too easy.
On the plus side, I am going to visit my mom this weekend, so now I can give her a lot of quality guilt treatments about how she never taught me to walk properly and how it has ruined my life and how that is why I am not famous and taller and generally how it is her fault that my life is so depressing and I live in Nebraska. And also I would like to add that this weekend when I called my step dad to remind him I was coming HE DID NOT KNOW WHO I WAS. Even when I told him my name. Lucky I called ahead of time. Jesus, people, don't lose your shit yet, I'm not ready to take care of ya'all right now!
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